Appreciation

I've been thinking the past couple days about my past/future relationship(s).  I wanted to text or email or message someone and let me them know that I was sorry for not appreciating them enough when we were together.  With time, a relationship can become comfortable.  Sometimes too comfortable and you forget to value the things that your partner does, things that you used to cherish and be extremely grateful for, you eventually come to expect and it becomes routine.  I'm never thankful enough, not ever.  I've been working on it.  My parents taught me to say thank you for everything people do but somewhere along the way I got it in my head that if I said thank you it wasn't enough or that I was only saying it because I had to and in that way it lost it's meaning for me.  So now I want to say how much I appreciate the man you were and the man you became while we were together.  I'd also like to say how much I appreciate you accepting me for the man I was and the man I became over the years.  It's hard to move on, not because I don't think it's time but because it seems difficult and almost unreasonable for me to expect to find someone who will make me as thankful as I was/am for you.

When I'm With Him

First date was going just fine.  Sweet guy.  Then, he starting singing Thinking Of You by Katy Perry and then I wasn't thinking about him anymore at all...

 Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into

You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes

Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

Relationship Status

It seems like every time I'm in a relationship I think to myself, "Was my last relationship really love?", because I can't imagine that I loved the previous person more than the current.  I don't know if that's all in my head or if it's because I continue to make better choices for myself.  If my next relationship comes with a more intense love than the last then there's no way it won't be my last relationship.

Ignorance isn't bliss. It's ignorance.

Hopefully the picture can be seen....
Just so this person knows, our parents raised us to be successful, independent, kind, non-judgemental people and it seems to me we turned out exactly that way.  Now what I wonder is how your parents raised you.  It couldn't have been to judge people.  I didn't put your name on this because you were obviously either ashamed or regretful that you posted your hateful comments under the guise of Christianity.  Maybe you were worried that your sister, who has spoken to my brother about this issue, would see it and disapprove.  For whatever reason, I have your comments saved for posterity just so, in case asked, people will know exactly what you thought and the actions you would have taken....that picture is unedited of course.

Ties That Break

If you want to have a friendship with someone, there can't be only one person trying.  Eventually that person will give up...

Weighing My Options

Just ranting and getting more thoughts out of my head.  I've been in a restless mood and I feel like I've already decided (at least in my head) to move.  Now, when that would happen, I haven't a clue, but I thought I'd weigh the pro's and con's.  So here goes:

Pro's For Moving
1. Change makes things seem fresh.
2. I feel stale and stifled in Logan.
3. There will be no decent relationship for me here.
4. I'd move somewhere that was more accessible to culture...ie, shows, food, art, music.
5. I would most likely be closer to my brother.

Con's For Moving
1. My family is here.
2. I have the best job of my life.
3. Most amazing friends I've had.
4. I hate moving. lol

There's so much to think about.  So many people to think about.  Maybe I should just think about what would make me happiest and do it.  It's always a crap shoot though.  Maybe I'll just rearrange my bedroom. :-)

I've been restless more so than not lately.  It makes me nervous because that's usually when my worst decisions are made...not really worst, I guess, but most rash.  I need change so much that I have done everything from shaving my head to moving my room around at 2am to moving to a different place entirely.  Once something is in my head, I can't seem to get it out and all I can think about these days is moving.  I'm trying not to make a rash decision so that I don't regret it but this boredom and restlessness is really wearing me down.