I've been restless more so than not lately.  It makes me nervous because that's usually when my worst decisions are made...not really worst, I guess, but most rash.  I need change so much that I have done everything from shaving my head to moving my room around at 2am to moving to a different place entirely.  Once something is in my head, I can't seem to get it out and all I can think about these days is moving.  I'm trying not to make a rash decision so that I don't regret it but this boredom and restlessness is really wearing me down.

Curtain Down

Another ending of another show. It's bittersweet. I miss the days when I did theatre and didn't have to work all day before. It's interesting what can happen as the years go by. You look up from the life you've been living day to day and realize that you've become the old person in the show. It has been fantastic working with all the kids and I feel like I have a renewed love for the theatre. I haven't done something I'm so proud of in a really long time. Theatre is alive a kicking in Logan, WV. New blood has arrived. See everyone next year.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

I think about my old friends, a couple in particular, and I wonder how we grew so far apart. And though they most likely won't see this...I miss you all. :-)

Focus

I've been trying to write something on here for days but I can't seem to get my mind to focus long enough for one train of thought. So I'm laying in bed, listening to Bette Midler (judge me), trying to clear my mind and get some sleep but sleep doesn't seem interested. I have no focus...just flailing about...

I AM...

"I Am"

I am timid and
I am oversensitive
I am a lioness
I am tired and defensive
You take me in your arms
And I fall into you
I have insecurities
You show me I am beautiful

Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It's not that I'm needy
Just need you to see me

Take me, free me, see through to the core of me
Take me, free me, there will be no more pretending

Mmmm...

I am temperamental and
I have imperfections and
I am emotional
I am unpredictable
I am naked
I am vulnerable
I am a woman
I am opening up to you

Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It's not that I'm needy
Just need you to see me

Take me, free me, see through to the core of me
Take me, free me, there will be no more pretending

Now I stand before you with my heart in my hands
I'm asking you to take me just the way that I am
Please lay down your arms, do you know me?
Make me feel safe from harm

Take me, free me, see through to the core of me
Take me, free me, there will be no more pretending

I am temperamental and
I have imperfections and
I am emotional
There'll be no more pretending

Mmhmm...

A Cinderella Story

Tonight is the last night of Cinderella at Chief Logan State Park and it got me thinking about how time marches on, even when we're not paying attention. Suddenly instead of being the awkward kid doing high kicks and staying in the back, I'm 30 years old and trying to get as much attention as I possibly can.

The kids in the show are like we were when we did the show back in 98'. They're forming these bonds with each other and with what they will hopefully remember as their 'home theatre'. It's amazing to think of where we are now and where they will end up. I met some of my best friends on that stage and even though many of us don't talk as much as we used to if you put us together now it would be as if no time has passed. The fights or disagreements we may have had are all part of the tapestry and history of our individual TAS experiences. I encourage all the kids to make their own tapestries and to be proud of them. Put yourselves out on a limb, take whatever part is offered to you and make it huge, in life and on stage. Enjoy your time because before you know it, you'll be missing these simpler times.

I don't think of Cinderella without thinking of that summer, 13 years ago, and how it changed me. I love my TAS family new and old and look forward to seeing where the new generation of the theatre end up.

Now on to the Jungle Book!

Withering

To continue being friends with people in our past effort has to be put in from both sides or the relationship withers and dies.