Marriage for me?

  I'm not sure if I've written about this on the blog but I thought I'd rant a bit about my feeling on marriage.  I had never really thought of getting married until the past couple years and I'm 31 years old.  Growing up, the thought of marriage never came into my head because, growing up, I always knew I was different.  I never saw myself standing at the end of an aisle waiting for a pretty lady in a dress to meet me for an exchange of vows.  As I got older and understood more about why I never wanted that it became clear that many others seemed to be against me getting married at all.  So, as I started dating, I never thought about calling anyone more than boyfriend because it never seemed like an option to me.  I never had role models of gay marriage to look at and think, 'yes, that's what I want."  I was close once, to understanding why people would want to get married, but I was so shut off to the idea that I played a large part in the demise of that relationship.

   I'm constantly worried that I'll do what many of my peers do and let myself fall into everything too quickly and not be able to see things as they really are.  I see guys start dating, a week later they have told each other they love each other and just a few short weeks later it's time to move in and they are calling each other husband.  I don't want to say that what they have isn't real but it doesn't seem, to me at least, that it could be anything that would be lasting.

  I want a courtship that doesn't involve meeting on Facebook, Grindr or internet dating sites.  I want dinner and dates.  I want to woo and be woo'd.  I want to take things slow and become not just lovers but friends.  I want all of our firsts to be special, first kiss, first time we say I love you, first time we...  I want to know it's right when we decide to get a place together and I want to be the man who WANTS to propose.  I WANT a wedding where my friends come and stand beside me and his with him.  I want to join families with someone and know it's right and I want to have children with a man that I love and watch them grow up to be amazing people and marry the person they love.

  The reason I started writing this is because I was on a blog and saw these pictures.  I starting thinking, "YES, I WANT TO BE MARRIED!  I WANT A RELATIONSHIP LIKE NEAL AND DAVID!"  Or I at least want a relationship that's like how theirs seems.  They seem very loving and supportive and they gush about their children.  Even if hard times come, if support and humor exist, marriage can survive.  No we've just gotta get some pesky laws changed...