in Between

it's the in between that's the hardest.
do I wait for you?
do I look for someone else?
what if someone else finds me?
what if someone else falls for me?
what do I tell them?
"I'm in between."?

Waiting
Sitting
Thinking
all over the in between.

You're not waiting.
You don't seem in between.
You seem out there...
looking
finding
doing.

I don't have to stay in between
but is it what I WANT to do?
Is it?
Do I love you that much?
Do you know what love is?
and if you do why are you so scared of it?

figure things out.
don't get distracted.
I'll try to give you space
even though space is tight here...
In Between...

Change

I can't change a lot of things about myself but I can accept them as part of me and surround myself with people who are just as accepting. I will change the way I love myself but I won't change the way I love you.

Thinking

I let things get to me too much. I over think almost everything. I need to let go and just let what's going to happen happen. Because I think too much I talk to much about the same things over and over. Learning to pick my battles, so to speak, would come in handy. I cause unnecessary drama in my relationships. I was once asked by a boyfriend if I could talk more and open up and I never thought if get to that point but here I am with and new guy and now all I do is talk and share and I worry now that this will scare him away. Once he knows everything about me. Once he sees me for what I am will he leave or will he stay? Until then I'll try to relax and take things as they come. If that's possible for me without meds.

Mind Reading

I need to always keep in mind that my friends and loved ones aren't mind readers. If I want them to know what's going on in my have I have to speak it. I have to just say it out loud or write it out so they know. It's not their job to pry it out of me.

Happy?

Seems like even when I'm 'happy' I'm not happy.  It's almost like I don't want to let myself be happy.  Like I want to find some terrible truth out about the man I'm with so I get hurt now instead of later.  I have to stop worrying so much and understand that what will happen will happen and there's nothing I can do to change it.