So I tried to text something to blogger and it didn't so much work out so this is what the last 3 posts were supposed to say...
Well, it's the first weekend of my not drinking and it hasn't been too bad. That could be because the snow has prevented us from going anywhere. Although, knowing there's beer in the fridge doesn't really help much. Every time I go for a glass of water, there's the beer, just staring backup at me all sad like. The little cans are all like, "We miss you. Just pop us open and have a little sip." But I am standing my ground and sticking to my comitment.
Ah beer...I miss you...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Some Nights
Some nights I have these crazy, vivid dreams. Generally I'll dream the same thing over and over and it's not about me. It's about someone who isn't me but I'm sort of playing the role of this person. Sometimes I have a crazy deja vu about my dreams and occasionally I understand what the dream was about. I'm not saying I can see the future or anything, I think we all unconsciously pick up things about our life and our surroundings and then when our mind is open in dream world that's when it comes out. I do hope the dream I had last night doesn't come true though...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Hiatus
I've been thinking about how much I drink for quite a while and i finally decided to try a little experiment. I wasn't sure if I was going to mention it on this blog but then I decided that it's part of my truth and that if I didn't put it on here then I wasn't being honest with myself. If I didn't tell other people about it then I could mess up whenever I felt like it and no one would be the wiser.
I have decided to not drink until Rusty and Nicole come down in February. Now there are a couple of reasons behind this decision. I had realized how much I'd been drinking and at least some of my weight gain can most likely be attributed to beer. Another reason is that I'm 29...some people say I look younger, but I can't kid myself about how long that will last if I can't keep the drinking down. It's probably sad in a way that I'm doing it for superficial reasons but those are honestly the main reasons.
I don't know that I'll be completely successful with this endeavor but I'm hopeful. I worry about going out and not drinking because in that environment I want to drink. Who am I kidding? In most environments I could have a drink. So we'll see how it all goes and I'll keep you updated on it.
I have decided to not drink until Rusty and Nicole come down in February. Now there are a couple of reasons behind this decision. I had realized how much I'd been drinking and at least some of my weight gain can most likely be attributed to beer. Another reason is that I'm 29...some people say I look younger, but I can't kid myself about how long that will last if I can't keep the drinking down. It's probably sad in a way that I'm doing it for superficial reasons but those are honestly the main reasons.
I don't know that I'll be completely successful with this endeavor but I'm hopeful. I worry about going out and not drinking because in that environment I want to drink. Who am I kidding? In most environments I could have a drink. So we'll see how it all goes and I'll keep you updated on it.
Monday, January 25, 2010
CD of the day 1-25-10
1. Lift Me Up - Christina Aguilera
2. Hypnotico (Silly Heartbreaker) - Tami Chynn
3. Automatik - Livvi Frank
4. On And On - Agnes
5. Follow Me Down - 3Oh!3
6. Skydiver - Cassie
7. Together Again - Evanescence
8. Stranded - Jay Z, Rihanna, Bono
9. If I Knew Then - Lady Antebellum
10. Vesper's Goodbye - Nick Jonas & The Administration
11. Breathless - Taylor Swift
12. How It Feels To Fly - Alicia Keys
13. Broken - Leona Lewis
14. Missing Persons 1&2 - One Republic
15. I See You - Leona Lewis
16. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Susanna and the Magical Orchestra
17. Hold You In My Arms - Ray LaMontagne
18. The Break Up - Toni Braxton
19. It Matters To Me - Jason Castro
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now CD
2. Hypnotico (Silly Heartbreaker) - Tami Chynn
3. Automatik - Livvi Frank
4. On And On - Agnes
5. Follow Me Down - 3Oh!3
6. Skydiver - Cassie
7. Together Again - Evanescence
8. Stranded - Jay Z, Rihanna, Bono
9. If I Knew Then - Lady Antebellum
10. Vesper's Goodbye - Nick Jonas & The Administration
11. Breathless - Taylor Swift
12. How It Feels To Fly - Alicia Keys
13. Broken - Leona Lewis
14. Missing Persons 1&2 - One Republic
15. I See You - Leona Lewis
16. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Susanna and the Magical Orchestra
17. Hold You In My Arms - Ray LaMontagne
18. The Break Up - Toni Braxton
19. It Matters To Me - Jason Castro
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now CD
Friday, January 22, 2010
CD of the day...
1. Up Out My Face (Remix feat. Nicki Minaj) - Mariah Carey
2. Put A Diamond In It - Semi Precious Weapons
3. Across The Sky feat. Justin Timberlake - Madonna
4. Your Love's A Drug - Leighton Meester
5. Rocket - Goldfrapp
6. According To You - Orianthi
7. Please Don't - Santigold
8. Conspiracy Theory - Nick Jonas and the Administration
9. On A Mission - Gabriella Cilmi
10. More Is More - Heidi Montag (judge me)
11. Magnetic Baby - Semi Precious Weapons
12. Party At A Rich Dudes House - Ke$ha
13. Wear My Kiss (7th Heaven Mix) - Sugababes
14. Momma's Place - Roison Murphy
15. In For The Kill - La Roux
16. Oh My Gosh feat. Will.I.Am - Usher
17. Tonight Is Your Night - Jesse McCartney
18. Fever - Adam Lambert
19. Rockstar 101 feat Slash - Rihanna
20. Broken Heels (Digital Dog Edit) - Alexandra Burke
21. Semi Precious Weapons - Semi Precious Weapons
This would have to be a good cd since I had to try it three different times before it would burn all the way through!
2. Put A Diamond In It - Semi Precious Weapons
3. Across The Sky feat. Justin Timberlake - Madonna
4. Your Love's A Drug - Leighton Meester
5. Rocket - Goldfrapp
6. According To You - Orianthi
7. Please Don't - Santigold
8. Conspiracy Theory - Nick Jonas and the Administration
9. On A Mission - Gabriella Cilmi
10. More Is More - Heidi Montag (judge me)
11. Magnetic Baby - Semi Precious Weapons
12. Party At A Rich Dudes House - Ke$ha
13. Wear My Kiss (7th Heaven Mix) - Sugababes
14. Momma's Place - Roison Murphy
15. In For The Kill - La Roux
16. Oh My Gosh feat. Will.I.Am - Usher
17. Tonight Is Your Night - Jesse McCartney
18. Fever - Adam Lambert
19. Rockstar 101 feat Slash - Rihanna
20. Broken Heels (Digital Dog Edit) - Alexandra Burke
21. Semi Precious Weapons - Semi Precious Weapons
This would have to be a good cd since I had to try it three different times before it would burn all the way through!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I Make A Lot Of CD's
I tend to make a lot of cd's...and yes I do have an iPod, I'm just not using it much right now. I like making playlists and putting songs together. Sometimes I build an entire cd around one song, so I thought I'd start posting my what cd's I'm making and if it's a mix cd I thought I'd put up the playlist. I like to share music so if you see something you think you might like let me know and maybe I can help you get it.
Today's Mix CD:
1. Put A Diamond In It - Semi Precious Weapons
2. Stars Tonight - Lady Antebellum
3. Wear My Kiss(7th Heaven Mix) - Sugababes
4. The Impossible (Remix) - Mariah Carey
5. More Is More - Heidi Montag
6. Broken Heels - Alexandra Burke
7. Going Going Gone - Kimberly Caldwell
8. Magnetic Baby - Semi Precious Weapons
9. On A Mission - starts with a C lol not sure
10. Heart Like Mine - Kimberly Caldwell
11. Today Was A Fairy Tale - Taylor Swift
12. Kickin' With You - Jason Mraz
13. It Matters To Me - Jason Castro
14. Impossible - Shontelle
15. Our Kind Of Love - Lady Antebellum
16. Butterfly - Jason Mraz
17. If We Ever Meet Again feat. Katy Perry - Timbaland
18. Hallelujah - Alexandra Burke
19. One More Drink - Heidi Montag
20. Semi Precious Weapons - Semi Precious Weapons
and I've made the new Timbaland CD 'Shock Value 2' for my listening enjoyment at work. :-D
Today's Mix CD:
1. Put A Diamond In It - Semi Precious Weapons
2. Stars Tonight - Lady Antebellum
3. Wear My Kiss(7th Heaven Mix) - Sugababes
4. The Impossible (Remix) - Mariah Carey
5. More Is More - Heidi Montag
6. Broken Heels - Alexandra Burke
7. Going Going Gone - Kimberly Caldwell
8. Magnetic Baby - Semi Precious Weapons
9. On A Mission - starts with a C lol not sure
10. Heart Like Mine - Kimberly Caldwell
11. Today Was A Fairy Tale - Taylor Swift
12. Kickin' With You - Jason Mraz
13. It Matters To Me - Jason Castro
14. Impossible - Shontelle
15. Our Kind Of Love - Lady Antebellum
16. Butterfly - Jason Mraz
17. If We Ever Meet Again feat. Katy Perry - Timbaland
18. Hallelujah - Alexandra Burke
19. One More Drink - Heidi Montag
20. Semi Precious Weapons - Semi Precious Weapons
and I've made the new Timbaland CD 'Shock Value 2' for my listening enjoyment at work. :-D
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Eating, Eating, I never tire of EATING!!
So I haven't written a blog in a couple of days. I guess I haven't really been inspired by too much these past days. I have a couple of blogs that I've written but I'm not ready to post yet because they are either a little personal or because they didn't feel right to me when I finished them. Maybe a little uninspired or something of that nature. I have a blog that I'm working on about my brothers (focusing heavily on Rusty) but that one is taking a minute for me to finish. Go go Gadget Blog:
I thought about fasting and before you judge hear me out...At first, yes, it was just a superficial thing, but then I read up on it. It seems to be a great way to really cleanse the body, which I need, and also of getting to the core issues that I have with food. I know that I have a real issue with not only the things that I eat but the way I eat. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm upset. I eat socially. It's difficult, in my messed up head, to know that there's pizza in the other room and not get up and eat that pizza.
I think all of this goes back to my family. It has been an issue with me as far back as I can remember...the issue of weight. My mother has basically been on and off diets my entire life and most of my family aren't small people, which is fine as long as they're happy, but I think I associate gaining weight with not being able to do things that I want to do. It terrifies me to gain weight, yet I most of the time I can't stop myself from eating. So yeah, I thought fasting might be help me to get control of those feelings and figure out my connection with food.
I have always had body issues...I don't remember not having them. I have never been someone who throws up or just doesn't eat. I love food, on a whole other level. I know that I'm not obese by any means but I just wish i had the self control to put the food down and step back. I would also like to have the will power to exercise regularly. I work on this continually, it's always in my head. So tomorrow I start on the Special K diet AGAIN...another day one. lol Encouragements are welcome.
I thought about fasting and before you judge hear me out...At first, yes, it was just a superficial thing, but then I read up on it. It seems to be a great way to really cleanse the body, which I need, and also of getting to the core issues that I have with food. I know that I have a real issue with not only the things that I eat but the way I eat. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I'm upset. I eat socially. It's difficult, in my messed up head, to know that there's pizza in the other room and not get up and eat that pizza.
I think all of this goes back to my family. It has been an issue with me as far back as I can remember...the issue of weight. My mother has basically been on and off diets my entire life and most of my family aren't small people, which is fine as long as they're happy, but I think I associate gaining weight with not being able to do things that I want to do. It terrifies me to gain weight, yet I most of the time I can't stop myself from eating. So yeah, I thought fasting might be help me to get control of those feelings and figure out my connection with food.
I have always had body issues...I don't remember not having them. I have never been someone who throws up or just doesn't eat. I love food, on a whole other level. I know that I'm not obese by any means but I just wish i had the self control to put the food down and step back. I would also like to have the will power to exercise regularly. I work on this continually, it's always in my head. So tomorrow I start on the Special K diet AGAIN...another day one. lol Encouragements are welcome.
Friday, January 15, 2010
He ain't heavy, he's just my brother...
I was the fourth and last son born to Russell and Ella Thompson. I have two (much) older brothers and one (47 minutes) older brother.
I grew up not really knowing my oldest brother that well. I remember it being a big deal when he came to visit. I recall my mom and then later Rusty and I with her, cleaning the house frantically so it looked nice for when he came home. I knew he was successful and seemed to have a good life, and I looked up to him for getting out and doing something with his life. I remember my second oldest brother much more because he lived with us for a large part of my childhood. He's a quiet man and I like to credit my love for horror movies to him. Both of my oldest brothers moved away and made a life for themselves, marrying and having children and we really didn't see much of them growing up. Visits for holidays, maybe summer vacation but never as much as my parents, or Rusty and I, would have liked.
It was always interesting because my older brothers were closer in age to some of my aunts and uncles than they were to us, so Rusty and I were like a new start for my parents. I think something my mom said once about sums it up, she once said to me, "I know popular music from when John and Robert were growing up and then from when Rusty and you were growing up but there's a big gap where I don't know much." lol
Rusty, of course, was always my closest brother. I don't remember ever minding that mom sometimes dressed us alike. I'd probably wear matching outfits to this day. I like that I'm a twin, it's part of who I am. I feel a kinship with other twins, which might be a little silly sometimes but when I learn someone is a twin I feel very connected to them.
I'm sure it wasn't always easy for Rusty, growing up with me. I was very introverted and enjoyed being in my room playing with my action figures. He used to beg me to go outside and play. I think no matter what happens in our lives, there's an innate connection between twins. Sometimes I think I know when he's sad or upset.
I was just talking about how we differ and are alike the other day and I think a theatre metaphor works well...I've always said Rusty is the leading man and I'm the character man. Hell, I even played a character named 'the character man' once. I always thought he was confident and outspoken and I was kind of envious of those qualities. I enjoyed watching him in plays, he always did something that surprised me, even as the 6'5" drag queen in "Rocky Horror". He has a magnetic personality. People want to be around him and before they know it they're going along with all of his off the wall plans. He's magnetic and I miss seeing him more than a couple times a year. It's wicked hard sometimes. I through in the Boston thing there at the end. :-D
I grew up not really knowing my oldest brother that well. I remember it being a big deal when he came to visit. I recall my mom and then later Rusty and I with her, cleaning the house frantically so it looked nice for when he came home. I knew he was successful and seemed to have a good life, and I looked up to him for getting out and doing something with his life. I remember my second oldest brother much more because he lived with us for a large part of my childhood. He's a quiet man and I like to credit my love for horror movies to him. Both of my oldest brothers moved away and made a life for themselves, marrying and having children and we really didn't see much of them growing up. Visits for holidays, maybe summer vacation but never as much as my parents, or Rusty and I, would have liked.
It was always interesting because my older brothers were closer in age to some of my aunts and uncles than they were to us, so Rusty and I were like a new start for my parents. I think something my mom said once about sums it up, she once said to me, "I know popular music from when John and Robert were growing up and then from when Rusty and you were growing up but there's a big gap where I don't know much." lol
Rusty, of course, was always my closest brother. I don't remember ever minding that mom sometimes dressed us alike. I'd probably wear matching outfits to this day. I like that I'm a twin, it's part of who I am. I feel a kinship with other twins, which might be a little silly sometimes but when I learn someone is a twin I feel very connected to them.
I'm sure it wasn't always easy for Rusty, growing up with me. I was very introverted and enjoyed being in my room playing with my action figures. He used to beg me to go outside and play. I think no matter what happens in our lives, there's an innate connection between twins. Sometimes I think I know when he's sad or upset.
I was just talking about how we differ and are alike the other day and I think a theatre metaphor works well...I've always said Rusty is the leading man and I'm the character man. Hell, I even played a character named 'the character man' once. I always thought he was confident and outspoken and I was kind of envious of those qualities. I enjoyed watching him in plays, he always did something that surprised me, even as the 6'5" drag queen in "Rocky Horror". He has a magnetic personality. People want to be around him and before they know it they're going along with all of his off the wall plans. He's magnetic and I miss seeing him more than a couple times a year. It's wicked hard sometimes. I through in the Boston thing there at the end. :-D
You Can't Make Everyone Happy (All the Time)
I think it's difficult enough to even make ourselves happy, we shouldn't have to try so hard to make everyone else happy. I still try though...I can be totally miserable in a situation and continue with it because I don't want anyone to be unhappy. I just want to do the things I want to do, when I want to do them without feeling like a bad person.
There are, of course, things about me that could be 'better' or different. I'm a selfish person, I openly admit that. I do things sometimes, not because it's the right thing to do but so that people think I'm nice, or charitable, or whatever a good person is supposed to be. I know not a lot of people read this and the ones who do most likely already know these things about me but I just thought I'd put it out into the cosmos, the infinite abyss of the internet.
I'm selfish, unkind sometimes, rash, and hurtful. I think some of the most awful things and I don't know why sometimes but I would never verbalize these things. To sum it up, I'm an ass and generally I'm ok with it.
Maybe it should bother me more...
There are, of course, things about me that could be 'better' or different. I'm a selfish person, I openly admit that. I do things sometimes, not because it's the right thing to do but so that people think I'm nice, or charitable, or whatever a good person is supposed to be. I know not a lot of people read this and the ones who do most likely already know these things about me but I just thought I'd put it out into the cosmos, the infinite abyss of the internet.
I'm selfish, unkind sometimes, rash, and hurtful. I think some of the most awful things and I don't know why sometimes but I would never verbalize these things. To sum it up, I'm an ass and generally I'm ok with it.
Maybe it should bother me more...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
things that waste time
I think that having to stop and get gas is a waste of my time. It's not that I have so much going on I don't have that extra bit of time, I just hate doing it. They should have fuel trucks that come up beside you like airplanes and refuel your car. It's just a thought. Still haven't figured out the logistics of it...how to pay for the gas, how to pump it and not explode because the car is still started. Not that I think you would explode necessarily but it could happen. Maybe.
Also, using the restroom...gaaaaah. This, I know, is a completely necessary fact of life but come on...sometimes it seems like it takes forever. Jusayin'...
Also, using the restroom...gaaaaah. This, I know, is a completely necessary fact of life but come on...sometimes it seems like it takes forever. Jusayin'...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Starting My Bucket List
I think I'll just start a list here of things I want to do before I die and continue to add to it and mark things off as I go.
Bungee Jump
Jump from a helicopter (with a parachute of course)
Learn to play guitar
Learn one or more new language
Go overseas
Own a greyhound
L0se this pesky weight I've gained
Start eating healthier
Burn the 100 pack of cd's I just bought
Read the Witching Hour Series by Ann Rice all the way through
Meet Bette Midler/Dolly Parton (judge me)
Travel to every state in the USA
Win big in a slot machine lol
this is just a start, I'll add more as it comes to me.
Bungee Jump
Jump from a helicopter (with a parachute of course)
Learn to play guitar
Learn one or more new language
Go overseas
Own a greyhound
L0se this pesky weight I've gained
Start eating healthier
Burn the 100 pack of cd's I just bought
Read the Witching Hour Series by Ann Rice all the way through
Meet Bette Midler/Dolly Parton (judge me)
Travel to every state in the USA
Win big in a slot machine lol
this is just a start, I'll add more as it comes to me.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Don't Call It A Resolution...
I hate to call these things resolutions because those never seem to come to fruition. I've been thinking about things I want to do this year and a lot of them are things for me to learn. I want to learn to play the guitar. I want to learn a different language and really understand it...and I think I need a hobby, maybe blogging will be that hobby.
Electric Youth
One of the interesting things about being almost 30 is talking pop culture with younger people. It's almost offensive when someone doesn't know who Debbie Gibson is, or that New Kids on the Block were a group when they were actually kids on the block. Maybe it's because I always knew about entertainment that was before my generation. I eat up entertainment and can regurgitate just useless amounts of knowledge about David Cassidy, Dobbie Gillis and Laugh In, just to name a few. It's interesting to see the blank expression on someone's face when I talk about Jem and the Holograms. I mean how can they not know about a singing group who use holograms to fight crime? I mean, they had cassette's out and they were kind of awesome!
Rusty and I were always watching Nick at Nite with my mom when shows like Patty Duke, and The Monkeys were what was considered classic tv. Now it's almost difficult to accept that Roseanne and The Nanny as something that has been retired to late night tv. I always wonder now when I say that Melrose Place was one of my favorite shows do people know that it was a show that started in the 90's. I remember enjoying 90210 (also the original) but feeling like I couldn't get into like Rusty did. He loved that show to an obsessive degree. Then the spin-off comes and it quickly became my favorite show. I even have a tile from the pool of the original show.
Oh and Nintendo!! Nintendo used to be just a couple brothers that ran from the left side of the screen to the right side and shooting ducks. Now it's working out and interactive games, don't get me wrong, I enjoy it. It's just that it's lost its simplicity. Rusty used to be able to beat the original Mario Bros. in like 8 minutes or something ridiculous like that.
I took a break in the middle of this blog to go out and get an ICEE from Burger King and now I've lost my train of thought. I feel like there was a lot more that I wanted to talk about so I'll just add some videos that people can reference after reading the blog.
Jem and the Holograms
New Kids on the Block
Melrose Place
Melrose Place 2
How to beat Super Mario Bros.
and just for fun...
i should really do a blog about my favorite tv shows...
Rusty and I were always watching Nick at Nite with my mom when shows like Patty Duke, and The Monkeys were what was considered classic tv. Now it's almost difficult to accept that Roseanne and The Nanny as something that has been retired to late night tv. I always wonder now when I say that Melrose Place was one of my favorite shows do people know that it was a show that started in the 90's. I remember enjoying 90210 (also the original) but feeling like I couldn't get into like Rusty did. He loved that show to an obsessive degree. Then the spin-off comes and it quickly became my favorite show. I even have a tile from the pool of the original show.
Oh and Nintendo!! Nintendo used to be just a couple brothers that ran from the left side of the screen to the right side and shooting ducks. Now it's working out and interactive games, don't get me wrong, I enjoy it. It's just that it's lost its simplicity. Rusty used to be able to beat the original Mario Bros. in like 8 minutes or something ridiculous like that.
I took a break in the middle of this blog to go out and get an ICEE from Burger King and now I've lost my train of thought. I feel like there was a lot more that I wanted to talk about so I'll just add some videos that people can reference after reading the blog.
Jem and the Holograms
New Kids on the Block
Melrose Place
Melrose Place 2
How to beat Super Mario Bros.
and just for fun...
i should really do a blog about my favorite tv shows...
Saturday, January 9, 2010
busy day
It's been a busy day...sort of. I'll do a nice blog tomorrow but here are a couple videos to tide you over. :-D And by 'you' I mean Josh and Nicole most likely because I know Sara doesn't even read my blog...some friend huh...let all comment about what kind of friend we think Sara is. :-D
Tazer
Tazer
The Price Is Wrong...BIOTCH!
Friday, January 8, 2010
and everything in it's place...
I'm positive that I'm at least a little OCD. I'm not sure why but I stick by the old saying, 'a place for everything, and everything in it's place'. I think if everything has a place you won't ever have to look for it. It's comforting me to know that when I get out of the shower my toothbrush will be in the same place it is every day. I like coming home and putting my glittens and keys in the same place, knowing they will be in that exact spot when I need them again. I like having a routine and I don't like it when something changes or interrupts my routine. It upsets me when, for whatever reason, I can't brush my teeth before I get dressed for the day.
My daily routine (M-F) is as follows:
Wake up
Put on glasses
Gather clothes for the day(underwear on top)
Head to the bathroom and turn on the shower
Undress(clothes to the left of the sink)
Shower (wash hair, face, body...in that order)
Towel off (hair, face, torso, right leg, left...in that order)
Blow nose and clean ears
Brush teeth
Flush toilet (even if it doesn't need it)
Get dressed
Astringent
Hair
No one really needed me to go in depth on my morning routine and I thought about erasing it and just continuing this rant but for some reason I couldn't so I kept going. And now I'm not sure the point I was trying to make with this.
I notice my OCD when i see things that aren't symmetrical. For instance, if there are two rolls of toilet paper on dispensers beside each other I feel a need to make them the same size, or if one roll is significantly smaller than the other I will only use that one until it's gone. Only then can I move on to the larger roll. I also hate it when things aren't numerical. Even in drinking games...circle of death...I like EVERYONE's cards to be in order, not just mine. I've gotten better with that because now people put them out of order because they know I hate it...coughsaracough...I will also now accept if they are in descending order or ascending. Which I think is progress. In decorating, if you can't have the same thing or like items on each side of something I have a need for at least the same space to be used on both sides. I'm sure Josh and Sara can attest for my item placement.
I think I feel the same way when someone sets down a set of plans and then they don't execute those plans in the order that have been discussed. I like a plan. I like to know what I'm going to be doing and if I'm not going to know exactly what I'm doing knowing that lets me make a plan in my head that I am just going to wing it and then I feel more in control. It's a controlled spontaneity.
Oh...I think my point was that I'm a little crazy but it's a crazy I'm ok with....maybe not...
My daily routine (M-F) is as follows:
Wake up
Put on glasses
Gather clothes for the day(underwear on top)
Head to the bathroom and turn on the shower
Undress(clothes to the left of the sink)
Shower (wash hair, face, body...in that order)
Towel off (hair, face, torso, right leg, left...in that order)
Blow nose and clean ears
Brush teeth
Flush toilet (even if it doesn't need it)
Get dressed
Astringent
Hair
No one really needed me to go in depth on my morning routine and I thought about erasing it and just continuing this rant but for some reason I couldn't so I kept going. And now I'm not sure the point I was trying to make with this.
I notice my OCD when i see things that aren't symmetrical. For instance, if there are two rolls of toilet paper on dispensers beside each other I feel a need to make them the same size, or if one roll is significantly smaller than the other I will only use that one until it's gone. Only then can I move on to the larger roll. I also hate it when things aren't numerical. Even in drinking games...circle of death...I like EVERYONE's cards to be in order, not just mine. I've gotten better with that because now people put them out of order because they know I hate it...coughsaracough...I will also now accept if they are in descending order or ascending. Which I think is progress. In decorating, if you can't have the same thing or like items on each side of something I have a need for at least the same space to be used on both sides. I'm sure Josh and Sara can attest for my item placement.
I think I feel the same way when someone sets down a set of plans and then they don't execute those plans in the order that have been discussed. I like a plan. I like to know what I'm going to be doing and if I'm not going to know exactly what I'm doing knowing that lets me make a plan in my head that I am just going to wing it and then I feel more in control. It's a controlled spontaneity.
Oh...I think my point was that I'm a little crazy but it's a crazy I'm ok with....maybe not...
Exotic
All this snow makes me want to go somewhere exotic, with warm blue waters and tall palm trees...siiiiigh. That is all.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Profundity
When I write/journal I sometimes feel the pressure to be profound in some way. I sometimes miss the days when my journal said things like, "woke up, went to school, came home, ate, did homework, went to bed." I could sum it all up in a neat little package. When did life get so complicated? Why does everything have to be about something? I want to enjoy life again, like I did when I was a child. I want to take a shower then go outside and rub dirt into my skin just so my mom will let me shower again. Or tie a towel around my neck and play superman. Now I feel like our responsibilities weigh us down and we take for granted the little things. We 'sweat the small stuff'' so to speak.
I was and in some ways probably still am someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff. I know how to leave work at work for the most part, which is a good quality to have, especially in my line of work. If someone is going to slow in front of me I can be O.K. with it. I can generally forgive pretty easily which can be a bad thing sometimes but other times it's great. I just get past things really quickly, it's how I've always been and I like it that way. I like that I don't hold on to ill will toward people, or hold a grudge, and it's hard for me sometimes to understand people who do that. I say let it go. I hold firm in the belief that people change, not necessarily because they want to or are trying to, simply because time changes things. They may be fundamentally the same person but they're different still.
I've changed, I know I have. With each passing relationship or friendship I change. I grow. I learn. Every person that has come in or gone out of my life has changed me in some way. Most times the changes are minute, but occasionally someone gets in and I'm forever changed.
How's that for profound...lol
I was and in some ways probably still am someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff. I know how to leave work at work for the most part, which is a good quality to have, especially in my line of work. If someone is going to slow in front of me I can be O.K. with it. I can generally forgive pretty easily which can be a bad thing sometimes but other times it's great. I just get past things really quickly, it's how I've always been and I like it that way. I like that I don't hold on to ill will toward people, or hold a grudge, and it's hard for me sometimes to understand people who do that. I say let it go. I hold firm in the belief that people change, not necessarily because they want to or are trying to, simply because time changes things. They may be fundamentally the same person but they're different still.
I've changed, I know I have. With each passing relationship or friendship I change. I grow. I learn. Every person that has come in or gone out of my life has changed me in some way. Most times the changes are minute, but occasionally someone gets in and I'm forever changed.
How's that for profound...lol
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Videos of today...
ok I know a lot of people probably hate Mariah for whatever reason and this video may make more people dislike her but it makes me love her more, mostly because of what happens starting around 1:09 lol i love it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I845iYuTg4A
the westboro church parodies lady gaga...brings the lol's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkBYUQIi7Rw
20 ways to use a maxi pad on a flight lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL7LlZz_NNk
Lastly, Gaga is everywhere these days. I love it when she does slower stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KxBejnTxpU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I845iYuTg4A
the westboro church parodies lady gaga...brings the lol's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkBYUQIi7Rw
20 ways to use a maxi pad on a flight lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL7LlZz_NNk
Lastly, Gaga is everywhere these days. I love it when she does slower stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KxBejnTxpU
Batteries
I'm feeling some anger toward the wii right now. I feel that it is sabotaging me, and here's why. I have been trying to get the motivation to get on the damn thing for days now. I've just been so tired because I never sleep, which I'll discuss briefly next, and because of work. This morning I even set my alarm early so I could wii before work but I didn't make it out of bed. So, I get home from work and I'm pumped, i turn some music on, put on my workout clothes and I'm ready to play. Here's where the anger comes in...the wii remote and board won't turn on. Apparently the batteries are dead, so I'm sitting here in my recliner waiting for Sara to get home from Wal Mart with new batteries and hoping I'll feel like getting back up before I go to bed to actually work out.
The sleep is a whole different monster. I can go to bed at 7, which has happened, or 12 and I still seem to wake up at around 3am and again at 5am. I don't sleep much and when I do sleep it's not good sleep unless I have been drinking which could make me some type of alcoholic but I won't dwell on that right now. Maybe when I'm 30. This lack of sleep could be because I've been sleeping on an air mattress with a futon mattress topper for about a year now. I used to sleep just fine on it though so I couldn't say what has changed, I just know I do not like it.
The sleep is a whole different monster. I can go to bed at 7, which has happened, or 12 and I still seem to wake up at around 3am and again at 5am. I don't sleep much and when I do sleep it's not good sleep unless I have been drinking which could make me some type of alcoholic but I won't dwell on that right now. Maybe when I'm 30. This lack of sleep could be because I've been sleeping on an air mattress with a futon mattress topper for about a year now. I used to sleep just fine on it though so I couldn't say what has changed, I just know I do not like it.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Start in the Past
I think to really move forward in our lives we have to start in the past. What happened to us that made us who we are now? How can the same things happen to someone else but they turn out differently? It's an interesting question, especially in my case since I'm a twin. My brother and I shared basically all of the same experiences when we were children and in many ways we are alike, maybe it's just how we choose to express this 'like'ness that is different.
First of all, my memory is horrible and I know that if I didn't have pictures and journals I wouldn't remember a lot of things that happened when I was younger. My mother was telling me a story a week or two ago and I had no idea what she was talking. I have no memory of the events that she told me about. I'm almost positive something happened to me as a child for me to be able to either forget or block most of my childhood. I could venture a guess or two but I won't do that here.
Maybe it was the time after High School when Rusty and I started to differ. Maybe our choices make us different. How else could he be so extroverted and I be shy and introverted, sometimes to the point of social paralysis? I think that's where the drink comes in handy, but that's another blog entirely.
I know that I am inherently like the family I grew up in, more of my mother than my father. Rusty is more dad than mom and he proved it when we were growing up. Dad and Rusty used to argue all the time but it was because they are so alike, neither of them would back down. My mother and I are much more passive. I'm quiet unless I'm comfortable, like my mother. I think I get my humor from both my parents. My dad is funny in an obvious way, voices, stock jokes, things of that nature. My mom is more subtle, more quiet about her joking, it's an understated humor. My extended family are all a little out there, loud, funny and mostly just enjoyable to be around. I loved growing up in that atmosphere.
So to truely move forward in life do we have to know all about our past or can we have large chunks missing and still be functioning adults? Time will tell.
First of all, my memory is horrible and I know that if I didn't have pictures and journals I wouldn't remember a lot of things that happened when I was younger. My mother was telling me a story a week or two ago and I had no idea what she was talking. I have no memory of the events that she told me about. I'm almost positive something happened to me as a child for me to be able to either forget or block most of my childhood. I could venture a guess or two but I won't do that here.
Maybe it was the time after High School when Rusty and I started to differ. Maybe our choices make us different. How else could he be so extroverted and I be shy and introverted, sometimes to the point of social paralysis? I think that's where the drink comes in handy, but that's another blog entirely.
I know that I am inherently like the family I grew up in, more of my mother than my father. Rusty is more dad than mom and he proved it when we were growing up. Dad and Rusty used to argue all the time but it was because they are so alike, neither of them would back down. My mother and I are much more passive. I'm quiet unless I'm comfortable, like my mother. I think I get my humor from both my parents. My dad is funny in an obvious way, voices, stock jokes, things of that nature. My mom is more subtle, more quiet about her joking, it's an understated humor. My extended family are all a little out there, loud, funny and mostly just enjoyable to be around. I loved growing up in that atmosphere.
So to truely move forward in life do we have to know all about our past or can we have large chunks missing and still be functioning adults? Time will tell.
Monday, January 4, 2010
First Blog aka "What was I thinking."
I've decided since 2010 will be that last calendar year in which I will be in my 20's, I might want to commemorate that with a blog of the days leading up to momentous birthday. I remember when I thought 25 was old, those days are gone. Being young is a treasure but I would not want to go back to that at all. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of good times but now I look back and wonder, "What was I thinking?". What was I thinking when I got my first credit card?!? I knew from my family history what a bad idea they could be in the wrong hands, and my hands were obviously just that. What was I thinking when I took every bit of the money offered to me in student loans?!? What was I thinking when I just up and moved every year of my college life? What was I thinking when I lived with no job and no income? Why was it a good idea for me to live off my parents bank card for a year without telling them how much I used it? So many questions to ponder and so many other I could go on about, like relationships, school and changing myself for other people.
Am I scared of 30? I don't think I have a definite answer for that. Some days I think, bring it on, and some days I just want to stay in bed. I think it's quite a fine line. Sometimes I'll say something and think "Why do I know this information?" It's because of how long I've been on earth most of the time. I have a thirst for knowledge, I enjoy reading up on things I'm interested in and regurgitating that information to others with the hope that they will be as interested as I am. Which generally isn't the case.
I feel like this first blog is kind of random and I hope that they will get a little more focused in the future. So here I am, anticipating Oct. 1, 2010. My 30th birthday...
Am I scared of 30? I don't think I have a definite answer for that. Some days I think, bring it on, and some days I just want to stay in bed. I think it's quite a fine line. Sometimes I'll say something and think "Why do I know this information?" It's because of how long I've been on earth most of the time. I have a thirst for knowledge, I enjoy reading up on things I'm interested in and regurgitating that information to others with the hope that they will be as interested as I am. Which generally isn't the case.
I feel like this first blog is kind of random and I hope that they will get a little more focused in the future. So here I am, anticipating Oct. 1, 2010. My 30th birthday...
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